Why I support my public library.

As a child, I remember going to the library with my mother. I would always walk out with a stack of books almost too big for me to carry. My brothers would have just as many and while I never recall my mother getting books, I’m sure she did. But at that age grown up books didn’t appeal to me. All of the books that the four of us would go home with would be checked out on my mother’s library card. I remember her keeping a careful watch on when the books were due. Could you imagine the fines we would accrue in a short amount of time with so many books? But my mother was always careful to return them on time. In fact, I’m not sure she has ever paid a library fine in her life.

When I was old enough to get my own library card I was thrilled. I would like to say that my mother’s careful watch of library due dates was one of the traits she passed on to me, but sadly it wasn’t. I try to be good and pay attention but somewhere along the three or so weeks I have a book I always forget. And it’s even worse than that because my childhood habit of walking out of the library with almost more books than I can carry has stuck with me. I often find myself at the counter of the library being asked, “Did you know you have some fines?” To this I usually reply, “No, but that doesn’t surprise me.”

I like to think that I’m actually doing some good by being so forgetful. It seems libraries struggle with funding from time to time. Paying fines makes me feel like I’m making a difference. In fact, sometimes it feels as if I’m supplying most of the libraries income. So if you want to know why I support my public libraries, the answer is simple. I love books, and I’m a bit scatterbrained.

How to be Bohemian

I have been told, recently, that I have a definite Bohemian vibe. Apparently this is a somewhat desirable style, so in the interest of all you out there who would like to perfect this Bohemian persona, I will give you a few pointers; things I do that make me Bohemian.

Step 1: The first thing you must do is to get a starving artist career. I chose out of work writer, but really any creative career that doesn’t pay shit will work just fine. Once you have achieved the poor artist status, the rest should come along pretty easily.

Step 2: Your appearance is very important. To achieve the Bohemian look, make sure to wear old, worn-out, poorly fitted clothing. It is important to remember to wear certain articles of clothing multiples times, such as jeans and sweatshirts. After all, your entire wardrobe should fit into a suitcase and you can’t afford to do laundry every few days. In addition, you should pretty much stop caring about whether your hair is perfect or you’re wearing make up.

Step 3: This step concerns your living arrangements. Since you’re a poor, out of work artist, you probably can’t afford a nice place. So your options are a cheap, but run down, tiny apartment, or moving in with someone who might appreciate a little help with the rent but doesn’t really need it. I, personally, chose the nomadic life. Sleeping on make shift beds, e.g. couches, futons, hide-a-beds, in living rooms of any friend who will take a little pity one me and offer a place to stay for a several weeks in exchange for a few buck to help with the bills. This life style is made easier by the fact that most of my belongings fit into a suitcase and my backpack.

Step 4: Mannerisms are very important. Of course the dark circles under your eyes add to your look and the constantly tired droop really screams Bohemian. Fortunately these are automatically taken care of by sleeping on uncomfortable make shift beds. Then there is the look in your eyes when a friend invites you over to eat. This is a look of pure happiness at the thought of eating something besides peanut butter sandwiches, ramen noodles, and cold cereal. Any day you get a full meal is a good day. Next, you need to frequent coffee shops. Of course, remember that you are too poor to buy the delicious but over priced mixed beverages, so you must stick to regular coffee, regular tea, or iced tea.

Step 5: Finally, you can’t live on nothing, so you’ll eventually need a job. This is no time to be prideful. Take anything you can get as long as it isn’t illegal or immoral. Those college degrees you worked so hard for don’t mean a thing. After several months of being unemployed, flipping burgers at McDonalds is looking pretty damn appealing.

(Disclaimer: This blog is meant to be a bit sarcastic and funny. I am by no means trying to provoke feeling of pity. I am actually quite happy, even though my life isn’t perfect.)

Peaceful Solitude

I’m writing this while sitting in one of my favorite chill spots. There are people around, but I don’t pay any attention to them. I am listening to music to drown out the world around me. I’m here because it’s peaceful and that’s what I need at this moment.

By nature, I tend to be a peacekeeper. Whether it is my personality, or the fact that I am a middle child (that is a common trait of middle children, so I read), I dislike conflict, and I like the people around me to get along. I also like keeping peace with-in myself.

Why do I mention this? Because I was also blessed, or cursed depending on how you look at things, with an incredible amount of empathy. This means that not only do I sympathize with the people around me, but also I actually can feel some of the same feelings they feel. I feed off of other peoples emotions. So another words, when I’m with someone who is very happy, I will feed off of their emotions and feel happy myself. But the opposite is also true. When I’m with someone who is depressed or sad, I will begin to feel that also. Actually, negative emotions seem to be stronger so I am pulled towards them more than the positive ones.

So when two or more members of my friends or family are not getting along, I feel very conflicted inside. Especially if I am caught in the middle, i.e. one or both parties vent their frustrations to me. I care about both sides, and so my emotions are being pulled in both directions. My brain isn’t sure how to respond.

It is these moments when I need to get away; to escape from people. Away from the situation, I can calm myself down and feel at peace again. Talking to a neutral third party doesn’t really help because it keeps the negative emotions at the surface, as well as adds the emotions of that person into the mix.

My solution: Solitude (or as close to it as I can get). I then turn to the one confidant I know I can trust not to add to my tumultuous emotional conflict: my journal. I have kept one since I was probably 12 years old. Empty pages have no emotions. They are always neutral, objective, and silent. This is why I write. Writing is my outlet. It’s how I solve problems. Sometimes it is the only way I know how to express myself. Writing brings me peace. Even if no one reads it, I must keep writing.