(Note: To anyone reading this who may disagree with me, that's fine. Please feel free to comment with your opposing opinions. I'm not threatened by opposing beliefs and I welcome constructive debate. However, I ask you to please keep it civil and focused on the topic at hand. That is to say, please do not use the comment section to insult me or any other commenters personally or to call other people names, simply because they hold a different view point. Let's keep this grown up. Calling names and insulting people really won't help to express your point of view. It really won't.)
This is a topic that has really been weighing on me lately. So I've decided to return to the blogosphere after a fairly long hiatus (although let's face it, I've never been great at keeping up my blog.)
There is a lot in the news lately about women's rights, and these mostly focus on the subject of abortion, and while I have very specific views about those issues, that is not what I'm here to talk about today. I want to talk about some of the underlying feminist issues and perhaps provide a definition (or at least what I feel is the definition) of what it means to be a feminist and there by clearing up a lot of misconception and negativity that I see around in society and the internet.
Misconceptions:
1. Only women can be feminists.
- False. My husband is in fact a very proud feminist. A feminist is simply someone who feels that women should have equal rights and opportunity with men. So if you feel women shouldn't be held down in society based on their gender.. NEWS FLASH! You too are a feminist. And quite frankly we need more men to stand up and proudly announce that they support the gender equality movement.
2. All feminist hate men and must be lesbian
- False. While some women who are strongly feminist, do have negative feelings towards men, which are often caused by negative experience they've personally had regarding gender equality or the lack there of, you cannot lump all feminist women into a man hating category. Also, just because a feminist woman casts off the traditional gender roles or appearance of women does not make her a lesbian. Sexual preference is something completely different, so a generally good rule is to just not assume anything about a persons sexual preference, unless/until they chose to make that known.
3. Gender Equality isn't an issue here any more.
- False. Gender equality is still seen daily in our country. Women still on an average make only about 70% of what their male counterparts make. Now I wouldn't call that equal, would you? Also, there seems to be an increasing problem of objectification of women (yes it happens to men too but the overwhelming majority of it happens to women.) The is a really great video that addresses this issue.
4. A woman who embraces certain feminine traits can't be a feminist.
-False. And this is actually the one I would like to talk about the most (I mean let's face it, the other ones get their fair amount of press coverage, but this one I hardly ever see anything on.)
Okay so feminine women vs. feminists. This is one I struggle with on a daily basis. Why? Because I happen to be a fairly vocal feminist who likes feminine things. And yes, society and the internet try to make me feel terrible about the fact that I like dresses, high heels, cooking/baking, and domestic arts such as sewing and crocheting. They try to tell me that some how because I enjoy these things, I can't be feminist, as if the only thing that makes me a feminist is the casting off of everything feminine and the adoption of everything masculine. So the messages I often get from society say that if I am going to be a true feminist, I can't be feminine, which I totally disagree with. I don't believe the gender equality movement says that women need to change their basic natures, it simply says that women refuse to have their lives dictated by a male dominated society. It says that women are every bit as capable and intelligent as men and they should be able to have the same opportunities as men. So tell me how does my wearing a frilly dress make me less intelligent and capable? It doesn't.
So why does society have this perception? I think it started with women refusing to wear things, such as corsets and girdles. At the time they started throwing off these undergarments, it was something that society dictated they wear to be "respectable women." So the casting off of these gender specific items dictated to women as necessity became a representation of the bonds society had put on them. And for some reason, we have decided to view all things feminine as less legit; less respected. This video explains this to some extent but from the view of why men can't be interested in feminine things. And while she does a good job of explaining it, I think it goes so much farther to where there is even a taboo against women being interested in feminine things.
But here's the thing, in the last 60 years or so, our society has changed, largely as a result of the gender equality movement. So our society no longer tries to force women into gender specific roles by the way they dress, they have other ways of forcing this on women (which I'll get to in a moment). And let's face it, the gender equality movement was kind of about letting women make their own choices. So why are women who choose to be feminine ostracized for being anti-feminist. Isn't that kind of counter productive? And really, since when was having equal opportunities with men about how we dressed, I mean come on.
So this takes me back to the ways society now tries to force women into gender specific roles, and a lot of this come back to the objectifying issue. It's every where. Media is pushing this idea at us that women are supposed to be sexual creatures, and this in my opinion is starting to undo much of what the last 60 year of the gender equality movement has been all about. (Seriously, if you haven't watched the above video, you totally should.) Some how, the media has managed to take perfectly intelligent women and convince them that their role in society, regardless of what else they do in society, is to be sexual objects. And it effects us all, me included. This is the mentality that attacks us saying, "I need to lose those 10 extra pounds to be truly attractive." "If I go outside my house without make up, people will judge me." And so many more totally trivial things that go through our heads every day telling us we are inadequate because that is what the media is teaching us. And it's all completely crap. I am sure you've all seen the videos showing you what a model goes through in her transformation, including photoshop, before her face and body are printed in the ads or magazines (if you haven't I'll post that link here as well). This is not a new subject. It's everywhere. And it's effecting everyone; making us think we have to live up to these impossible standards of beauty, when the real truth is, not matter your size, no matter your imperfections, no matter whether you are dressed to the 9s or wearing makeup or not, you are perfectly wonderful just the way you are. And that, people, is the new attack on the gender equality revolution. It's no longer the dictation of women need to wear to be respectable (people kind of wear whatever they want these days). It's no longer the idea that women can't get an education or good jobs. It's the idea that no matter what our accomplishment are, not matter what our interests and thoughts are, that some how we are subpar because we can't live up to the impossible photoshopped standards that society has set for us. Just imagine what would happen if women everywhere started loving themselves for who they are not who they "should be according to the media." It would be amazing. But this is a fight that can't just be won by rallies and petitions. This a fight that every woman and every feminist needs to fight within themselves. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could reach a point where not only did women have equal opportunity as men but that they could accept that within their own selves? And I personally believe that until we can accept that, there will always be a deficit for gender equality. Women tend to under value themselves and their accomplishments, and it seems to me that this might just stem from this idea that we simply can't live up to the standards that society creates for us. And that mentality is the most poisonous mentality anybody can have. It's the mentality that no matter how hard we try we will not be good enough. So we then down play ourselves, hoping that if we set expectations lower then we will not be such a disappointment to society.
I want to cast off that idea that no matter how hard I try, I simply won't be good enough because it's not true. And yes, it's a daily battle for me. I struggle with insecurities that are physical, emotional, and mental. And some days I lose and some days I win. But over all, I want to win. I want to be free from the constant message of inadequacy. I want my future children to grow up in a world where they know that their merits are based on their capabilities and accomplishments not on shallow messages.
